A-~z of transvestism - a primer for transvestites

Not a story in the normal sense - instead a primer for transvestites that many will find entertaining based on my own experiences and previous stories.

This is an A-Z of Transvestism. It is composed of small articles and pieces based on my observations of transvestites - both myself and others - during many years living as a transvestite. Some of the pieces are serious; some humorous; but all are relevant to the modern outlook and behaviour of transvestites in today's world. Although many transvestites may find the observations factual - even comforting - I have no doubt that others may find them of no relevance to their own perception. Either way, I am sure that most transvestites will be aware of the need to have at least a rudimentary grasp of reality and self-knowledge. More than anything else, this piece is intended as a Transvestite Primer - a primer for existing transvestites and for aspiring ones.
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ACCEPTANCE - is the holy-grail for all transvestites. Every man who dresses as a woman, whether or not he is a genuine transvestite, has a compulsion to be accepted by the World ‘for what he is.’ He has no need to worry - if he takes time and trouble with his appearance, then he will often - not always - be accepted as a woman; or at least afforded a certain degree of doubt. Conversely, if he looks like a ridiculous pantomime dame, he will definitely be accepted by people as just that. Either way, there is a definite compulsion amongst transvestites to brave the outside World in their new persona. The best advice is to suppress that compulsion until they are certain they are ready to be seen in public.

ATTRACTION - like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Many a plain or ugly person has been considered beautiful by at least one person in their life. Generally, heterosexuals find members of the opposite sex attractive, whilst homosexuals find members of their own sex attractive. So whom do transvestites find attractive? The answer is that is they themselves that they find attractive. No matter what they look like, transvestites subconsciously try to look like the sort of women they find most attractive, and therefore wish to emulate in appearance. Perhaps that is why many transvestites adopt the slutty look; an echo of the paradoxical heterosexual desire to date sluts but eventually marry a virgin.

BIRDS-NEST – is a term given to a wig badly-worn by a transvestite. Often, an aspiring transvestite believes all he has to do to look like a woman is plant a cheap wig on his - often balding - head. The result is a ‘birds-nest’ where the wig is perched on the top of the head, invariably with a parting, leaving the face below looking like an inverted egg in it’s shell. Definitely a practice to be avoided.

BRICKLAYER-IN-A-DRESS - is a term used to describe a man who thinks he is a transvestite solely by virtue of his putting-on one of his wife's dresses - or worse, one of her nighties. He then takes a photo of himself in what he considers to be an alluring pose and facial expression invariably composed of pursed lips, from which anyone viewing the photo wisely averts their gaze, preferring rather to conjure-up images of the rain-forest as suggested by the aspiring transvestite's copious growth of chest-hair.

BUM-PADS - these are hilarious, but are surprisingly bought by quite a few transvestites. They are marketed by the specialist transvestite-supply companies as a means of acquiring a female rounded-buttock look. In actuality they make the transvestite look like a grotesque pantomime dame. Transvestites would do well to remember that the women they seek to emulate in appearance come in all shapes and sizes, as do their bottoms. In all my years as a transvestite I have never worn bum-pads and never will. Their sole use is to turn one upside down and sit on it when you have haemorrhoids.

CROSS-DRESSING - is a term mostly used by North Americans to describe what the rest of the World calls transvestism. The normal use of the word ‘transvestite’ relates to a person who dresses fully as a woman, and ‘cross-dresser’ to a fetishist person who just wears articles of women's clothing such as underwear. In the U.S. the meaning of the terms are reversed, which makes it easy to see how confusion can arise. Having said that, many American terms and expressions have meanings opposite to the English ones, and so this particular linguistic anomaly is not that unusual.

DRAG - is a name for clothing of the opposite sex, as worn by a transgendered person. For male to female person, it usually involves dresses, skirts, tops, stockings and underwear. Unfortunately, many aspiring transvestites forget that dressing in drag does not in itself make them a transvestite: they have to do whatever they can to actually make themselves at least look female - if not feminine - by the selection of a suitable wig and by acquiring basic make-up skills.

DRAG QUEENS - are usually not transvestites, but homosexuals who dress as women for a living. Rather than emulate women, they take pains to parody them. Ironically, many women find drag-queens very entertaining, not realising that they as women are being viciously parodied by these drag queens who by virtue of their homosexuality feel nothing but contempt and distaste for women. As may be seen - an entirely opposite approach to women than that of genuine transvestites.

ERECTIONS - definitely something that most transvestites want to hide when they're in drag. Some use tape to secure their genitals between their legs, but a far better way is to wear tight panties and foundation garments. This will usually prevent the transvestite resembling a woman with a tent-pole.

FANTASY - For many, transvestism is a fantasy - a fantasy of femininity. For these people, it will always remain a sexual quirk. Transvestism is actually a reality - a very strong reality. Those who only feel the need to dress as a woman periodically in order to obtain sexual satisfaction are not real transvestites. Okay - no harm done - good luck to them. But to be a real transvestite, one has to look and feel the part in everyday life. One has to adopt the persona, or alternatively, be adopted by it.

FEMININITY - is a concept largely unknown to genuine transvestites. It is a common misconception that all one has to do to emulate a woman is to dress as one. The result is a bizarre amalgam of quasi-female appearance and male facial expressions and body posture. No-one seems to tell transvestites that they not only have to look female, they also have to act in a feminine way.

GENDER DYSPHORIA - is a much-abused term. It relates to people who feel that they are born in the wrong body. Although there are females who feel this, more often than not it is felt by males. It is true that there are a small number of people to whom this may apply, and gender-reassignment surgery is appropriate. Unfortunately however, a great number of men who put on one of their wife's dresses and buy a cheap wig convince themselves that they ‘were born in the wrong body.’ Wrong - they are just fetishists who use the concept of gender dysphoria in order to justify their fetish.

GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY - is the technical name for having a sex-change. There are only two valid reasons for having this medical procedure. One is that the person genuinely feels that they were born in the wrong body. The other is that they want to be a woman so much, usually for passive sexual reasons that it presents as an option. For either of these, the results can be very rewarding. The downside is that the side-effects of the hormones needed to partly facilitate a sex-change have the unwelcome result of shortening the life span. Therefore many questions need to be asked by the prospective changer, so that a fully-informed decision can be reached.

HETEROSEXUALITY or HOMOSEXUALITY - Often it is asked whether transvestites are heterosexual or homosexual. Transvestites and transvestite groups spring into defensive mode, and declare that - although they like dressing as women - they are really heterosexual, without a homosexual thought in their heads. Total rubbish! If one dresses as a woman, then it follows that the normal, albeit restrained, aggressiveness needed to acquire and maintain an erection when making love to a woman, is absent. The two feelings - that of passive femininity and that of masculinity – cannot co-exist side-by-side. It follows therefore, that transvestites are not heterosexual; they are homosexual, or at the very least - bisexual.

HOLD-UPS - are hold-up stockings. These are much better than tights, and less trouble than suspenders and stockings. They give the right look, and also leave the transvestite ready for sex when needed, without having to pull off tights.

HUMOUR - it is absolutely essential for a transvestite to have a sense of humour, and above all to have the ability to laugh at himself. It will help him keep his feet on the ground, and to retain a sense of reality which will enable him to make informed decisions about his activities when dressed as a woman. Many occasions will occur when the make-up turns-out wrong, and the end result is more like Coco the Clown rather than a woman. It is at times like these that a transvestite must be able to laugh at himself.

INSANITY- is a transvestite in full-drag, but whose make-up leaves a lot to be desired, going to a rugby match and coming-on to a bunch of drunken supporters - especially the losing team - definitely something to be avoided.

JOBS - for transvestites who insist on wearing drag to work, are few and far between. Many employers are tolerant of the peccadilloes of their staff, but the distracting element of a fork-lift driver in drag is not conducive to peaceful staff relations.

KNICKERS - are essential wearing for transvestites, preferably the tighter the better. Most women's panties are insubstantial things, so a better alternative is bikini-bottoms as these tend to be tighter and hold the genitals in better.

LIGHTING - is a crucial aspect of transvestism. Few of us - no matter how good we are at it - are literally in our best light in daylight. Perhaps for that reason we could consider ourselves creatures of the night. The general rule I have found is that the dimmer the light, the more realistic - or, more correctly, the less unrealistic - we are. Indeed, lighting, or lack of it, is a transvestite's best friend.

MAKE-UP - is the bane of transvestites' lives, as the struggle to find just the right sort to mask one's male features is an arduous one. Often, it is better to take make-up lessons from an expert, who can suggest various alternatives for the individual's complexion.

NAKEDNESS - literally strips away all the hard-work a transvestite has put-into looking like a female. Ironically however, most men who use transvestites prefer them to be naked except for wigs and stockings when they have sex with them.

OLIVE OIL - is a must for transvestites who are desirous of changing their voice to more closely resemble a female one. Women's voices are softer, with fewer harsh resonances than men. Swallowing a tablespoon of olive oil just prior to talking has the effect of diminishing the harsher resonances and also making the voice much smoother. Try it out - it may taste horrible, but it does work. If the taste is too harsh, add a squirt of lemon juice.

ORAL SEX - is something that transvestites - like men or women - do, or don't do. The reason it deserves a mention is that a few fundamental issues need to be addressed before doing it for the first time. Firstly, the risk of infection has to be born in mind, although strictly speaking there is far less risk with oral sex than with penetrative sex. If you're worried, there are a range of flavoured condoms on the market. My favourite is banana, although strawberry is a close second. Avoid Lime - it always makes me gag. Personally, I always prefer it without condoms. Secondly, whatever you do - don't bite. Imagine what it feels like if the roles were reversed and some idiot bites you down there. Ouch! So if you bite someone, you can't be surprised if they give you a slap.

PENETRATIVE SEX - As to the wisdom of penetrative sex, although anal penetration is the only option open to a transvestite, it is well to remember that it hurts - a lot. If you're masochistic, okay. If you're not, decide whether the role-fulfilment that being penetrated affords you, is worth the pain and - in some cases - worth the anal rips that can occur.

QUICK-CHANGE - The art of quick change is essential for transvestites who are likely to have visitors turning up when they are in drag. Having ready a track-suit to slip into in a hurry is a good idea. For the make-up, cleansing wipes or wet-wipes are very good in removing make-up in a hurry. But make sure you check yourself in the mirror before answering the door.

RAPE is a very real aspect of transvestism, when one engages in meeting men for sex. Only a very small percentage of women rape victims report it. A far fewer percentage of transvestites report when they have been raped, out of fear of being exposed to friends and family. Quite a few transvestites - me included - have been raped several times.

RUBBERS - in these days of virulent sexual diseases are essential if a transvestite allows men to have sex with them. If you don't care, that is your choice, but be sure to discuss it with the man you're with at the time, so that he can make an informed decision for himself as to whether or not to have sex with you.

SUBMISSION - is a big part of a transvestite's persona. The main reason a transvestite wants to dress as a woman is so that he can have passive sex with men. The submissive aspect often doesn't stop there - it stretches to allowing men to do anything to them, because only in that way can they feel fulfilled in the passive female role they have embraced.

TRANSSEXUAL - someone who feels compelled to turn into a woman - a brave step, for which much courage is needed, considering the risk to general health in later life. Many men are genuinely transsexual, and really do need to change sex for their mental and emotional well-being. There are a great many, however, who want gender reassignment surgery solely in order to indulge their passive sexual predilection, and who often regret it later.

TRANSVESTITE- a person who is more comfortable when dressed as a woman. Normally, he retains a firm grasp of reality, realising that he is not an actual woman - although has does have close contact with his feminine side, which transvestism helps him express. There is nothing wrong with being a transvestite - it is a thing to be proud of. A transvestite regards himself as a canvass, doing whatever he can to turn himself into his idea of a beautiful woman.

ULTIMATE ACCEPTANCE - is when a transvestite can go shopping in a supermarket without attracting a second glance. To achieve this, he has to literally leave his penchant for dressing like a slut at home, and carefully dress-down, donning the ordinary type of clothing that most women wear every day. Wearing the absolute minimum of make-up is also a good idea.

VANITY - is a danger for transvestites. It is well to remember that just because one thinks one looks good in the mirror, doesn't necessarily mean that other people will look on you as anything other than a man in drag.

WANNABES - are usually cross-dressers - not even genuine transvestites - who have read somewhere the phrase ‘born in the wrong body’ and adopt it as their own. Essentially, they are just sad individuals who are incapable of sustaining a normal relationship, and who identify themselves with transgendered issues whilst doing so behind their wife's back

X MARKS THE SPOT - Just as women do, transvestites have facial imperfections. These, they try to cover-up with excessive make-up, which leads to totally the wrong effect. A much better alternative is to use concealer sticks, and just dab them on the offending spot or smear. They work really well.

YOUTHFUL LOOKS - are what most transvestites try to attain, often by the use of blonde wigs and clothes normally only worn by teenagers. This is not a good idea, as the effect will be totally unrealistic. It is far better for a transvestite to look and dress his actual age. In that way he will pass much more easily. As it happens, most transvestites look far younger when they are in drag than their actual age anyway.

ZESTFULNESS - is often adopted by transvestites when dressed. Whilst this is not harmful in itself, it does tend to detract from the femininity that is the transvestite's goal. Most real women don't walk around in a manic zestful state, unless they are on something they shouldn't be. Sedateness is a much more realistic goal.