I need answers is it trauma?

Ever since I was young I was always a fast girl. Humping pillows touching my self very huggy kissy type. No need to lie on this app I need answers. I lived with my grandma all my life my grandma had two sons identical twins my dad and my uncle. My grandmother had sense of humor she named my dad Cain and my uncle Abel.

My grandma always said I knew you be a fast girl your mother was a 16 year old runaway dealing with a drug addict alcoholic in his 40s. Uncle Abel couldn’t do know wrong he made good money took care of her well but was serving 5 years for gun possession.

When I was a 14 my grandma made sure I got a IUD. I was dating a boy 2 years older than me Dre 16 at the time. Me and my best friend Beth was dating 2 older best friends Dre and Brandon both 16 my best friend was 14 too.

Our boyfriends wanted to have sex we had planned on a going to her house because she lives with her dad who doesn’t care what’s going on just everybody out by 9. Beth stayed weekend a hour away at her aunt which she loved a lot better environment people and lesbians.

My uncle came home from jail he was out maybe a week. We watch movies he look exactly like my dad if he was healthy and kept up big muscles strong has hair. Every night I had my ritual I get naked and play with my self it always helped me sleep.

My grandma room was the opposite side of the house and my uncle was down stairs at the end of my hall in the basement. I came home late from Beth house it was a Thursday because she always gone Friday saturdays and Sunday to her aunt house. We were sneaking drinks and making out with our boyfriends when they told us they wanted to have sex next time.

As I layed in the bed naked and drunk I knew grandma is asleep at 8 it was 10 I was going to play with my self and fall asleep. I just remember of being played with and my eye was closed.

I felt the circular motion rubbing my pussy I started to moan it was feeling great and then I notice my right breast like wet and feeling good I opened my eyes turned my head and uncle Abel was sucking my breast and playing with my pussy I gasped and kind of jump until he put his hand over my mouth held me down.

He then said shhh don’t say a word you where tempting me since I got home as he saying this he is covering my mouth holding me down and taking while sucking on my breast. He continues to say I just got home let’s this be a one time thing you wanted this it’s ok to be touched.

My head is kinda towards the ceiling I can only feel I felt as he took his cock out and began rubbing it in my pussy. It felt so good as he put it inside I attempt to scream he hold me down tight and covered my mouth but now I can see his face.

He looks like my dad it’s like if my dad was doing this it was weird and the weird part I loved it. He kept whispering yes just this one time all I need and he began fucking me holding me down fucking me sucking on my little tities that I had and he said it was beautiful how he can’t wait to see them grow.

I was enjoying it he didn’t have to hold me down I fully gave in. He started breathing having and saying fuck yeah so good and I felt warmness drip out of me. He got up I laid there I don’t even think he knew at that moment it felt better then my hand and pillow. He then said doesn’t matter if you tell grandma she won’t go against me and walked out.

My body was vibrating it felt good I fell asleep. The next day felt awkward I’m looking at him like why it felt good he looks like dad he’s my uncle he’s 50 years old what the hell. That night I knew it was a one time thing he didn’t even act different when the day went by so that means he’s done like he said.

I got naked laid in my bed and began to play with my self and who did I think about? My uncle who is my father’s identical twin. As I fell asleep I felt it rubbing on my pussy that nice circular motion slow and the sucking in my breast I moaned and open my eye and looked at him.

His lips wrapped around my tiny breast his hand rubbing my pussy and seeing him fully naked. As I looked him I started moaning and he looked at me and we stared at eachother while he was running my pussy I kept moaning and I said yes he got up opened my legs and began sucking my pussy tongue going in a circular motion.

I felt like I was going crazy it was amazing. He got up kneeled over me I’m laying flat his knees is to my chest just like sitting on me without sitting cock to my face and he grabbed my head slowly I knew what to do I began sucking him off.

As his cock glide nicely in and out my mouth I thought this is how he fuck me and I got super hot like a feeling I began moaning just from sucking him off I loved it. Then he got between my legs got on top of me and began fucking me.

Wasn’t slow wasn’t fast it was just right he roughly kissed me. He said I knew you wanted it I’m going to take care of you and he thrust harder I moaned louder. He came inside me and I came right after that feeling gushing inside of him inside me and warm feeling just triggers my to cum.

Now me and uncle became close also he wanted me to call him daddy. It seemed ok because he looked like him. I told daddy everything about my boyfriends and the set up how me and my friend was going to have sex with our boyfriend since she has two parts of the bunk bed separate into two separate beds.

He told me I should so no one would suspect us plus uncle has his 22 year old son and 19 year old son and he was with his wife but they moved to Florida and he has to stay 6 months in our state so court shit and then he goes with them In Florida. In that mean time he fucked me

Me and Beth did fuck our boyfriends and my boyfriend was completely horrible Beth is getting pound town and I’m getting soggy noddles and hard times but my day always make up for it so I didn’t care. 3 months in me and daddy was fucking and grandma fell I came out with his shirt no panties he came out naked both out of my room. She saw and didn’t say anything but I’m fine go back to finish what ya was doing but when you leave Abel she is not going.

5 months in we didn’t hide in the house we now slept together every night. my aunt had her oldest son come stay with us for a month and she would be down to spend a week. She came before and she is sweet and nice but I secretly hated her now. Beofre they came down my uncle told me that his oldest son had suffered from a big breakup about a year ago. He gained weight and wasn’t looking well. Let his self go.

So he asked me to fuck his son my cousin to help his confidence he said he spoke to him and he told him any girl throw her self at you just take it. He told me to wait till my aunt leave flirt have convo with him. I told him but my age he won’t go for me and he’s ugly! He grabbed me sat me down pulled his cock out and opened my mouth as a glide his cock in my mouth I trembled as it touched my lip seeing it enter my mouth I instantly got hot.

He said as he glide his cock in and out slowly and moaning you like to be touched it doesn’t matter who it matter what the cock make you feel and you do it if you love me.

That 1st week my aunt and cousin arrived was hell. I hated seeing my aunt on my daddy. She said it’s so cute how you call him daddy and my my for a 14 year old you have hips and booty your going to be beautiful when you grow up boys will be flocking towards you.

In my mind I said your husband flock to me every chance he get I just smirked. My grandma said yes that why she has a IUD no babies here that girl going to be a nurse she puts others needs above everything real people pleaser I smiled.

I flirted with my cousins talked told him he was my handsome cousin my other cousin his 19year old brother was at some sports camps thing. I got all the detail on he saw on his best friends since 5th grade computer fucking his gf of 5 years. What he described that’s embedded in his brain turned me on.
I’m not going into the details of the video abuse, his best friend and another video with best friend and another friend and his gf, a lot of detail.

That last day my aunt left my daddy comes to me brings me to the bathroom and says he can’t know anything just do it he kissed me and said I missed you. I melted immediately he walked out the door and that night was the night. I told my cousins to hang out in my room we talked and I told him I wish he was my boyfriend because I think he’s handsome.

My daddy walks in hey guys going to bed I’m beat. He left the door half way open which was a surprise but he peeked back in and I see him staring and giving me a nod. I told my cousin to tell me about his gf and what she said. I made sure we were lying on the bed facing eachother tv on lights off. As he finished I looked at him said she doesn’t know what she is missing I wish you wasn’t my cousin and I leaned in for kiss.

He backed up and I said wait I grabbed him and said it’s ok she is still with your friends and I kissed him again he kissed back. I was disgusted kissing him his ache his weight his no trimming beard and hair mess. I stop kissing at him and stared and took of my shirt slowly he looked I stood up and took off my pajama shorts and panties and he stared. I got in top of him I don’t know what to do because daddy direct me in sex and my boyfriend sucks.

But I leaned back in for a kiss and then he touched my grabbed my ass with one hand touch my nipples with the other and out of nowhere he wasn’t ugly no more he wasn’t sexy. He pulled me on top of him pulling his pants down his cock was not. Big chunky veiny bit seeing it I wanted in my mouth so I went down and started sucking his cock and I felt so hot so good sucking his cock in like 3 up in downs I wanted him in me.

As I got on top of him he held my waist and guide me down we moaned I tilted my head up and to the side facing the door where I see daddy watching I stare at him as I’m going up and down on my cousins I’m moaning it was driving me crazy I look at my cousin look at daddy my cousins didn’t know daddy was there watching. My cousin shot a heavy load deep inside me making me come very hard and body shaked.

My cousin instantly pasted out snoring. I got up to use the bathroom daddy was there waiting and motion for me to go down stairs. As I did that he grabbed me and said while kissing me, seeing you get fucked turned me on but knowing your fucking another man because I told you to makes me love love you.

He had me up in the air on top of table shelf fucking me and saying fuck baby I missed you all I thought about was this pussy when I was with my wife I want you to come with us you can keep fucking [ cousin] as he fucked me I told him yes I do anything for him I came so hard my daddy was the best!

This went on for the remainder of the month I would be fucking my cousin every damn night and then my daddy. It was like the best month and my boyfriend was getting a tiny better at fucking he just get soft but I come a lot so I at least get 1 in. When Cousin left we had 1 month befor daddy moves back. We hugged and kissed he fucked me nice and slow and told me he love me and how all he wants is me and how I should take out the IUD and get pregnant so grandma let me come with him.

I was never a dumb kid I just like to get touched so of course I didn’t take it out I was following grandmas plan her one wish was no babies till after nursing. My uncle left and I was devastated.

The sex with my boyfriend wasn’t enough what happen was as he was so trying to last through sex I looked over seeing his best friend fucking my best friend and he was turning me on. Got to the point his best friend Brandon caught me staring so then we started staring at eachother while he fuck my best friend from the back and I let his best friend fuck me.

Now of course we all became friends and Brandon comes from a fucked up home lives with his dad just came home all he said was he was a pedo. His mom is barely home she works at a club and she is always chasing men and dad does nothing.

Eventually I asked Dre my boyfriend I wanted to fuck him more than Thursday he said his parents are strict so he just coming over after practice Thursday and Friday’s but he won’t have nowhere to fuck. Brandon said we can use his house he always at Dre’s house he basically live there but they can say there getting clothes at his house make up a lie.

Weds came I was ready I needed to suck some cock badly sucking cock makes me feel good. He didn’t say what time to come so I went after school told grandma I was going to Beth house that she was staying home this weekend ( lie)

I went to Brandon house run down house paint chipped. Huge man 6’2 built tattoos bald he looked scary and mean. I said hi I’m looking for Brandon. He just smirked at me and said are you sure? Then Brandon came through the door hey I got I got it that’s Dre’s girlfriend there meeting here. He grabbed my arm and said brought me to his room which seem to be the cleanest part of the house.

Brandon said get you away from that pedo. I asked why you call him that? Brandon said he got caught smashing a 17 year old girl he’s 54. I thought about daddy and how much I missed him. Brandon then closed and locked the door and said Dre would be out of practice in 2 hours.

I sat on the bed he sat next to me I said oh ok then he kissed me. Immediately he kissed me leaning me toward laying on the bed he starting rubbing on me and we were kissing so passionately. He unbotton my pants and I said Beth what about Beth?

Brandon said she doesn’t have to know she is a hour away and don’t worry about Dre I think I can convince both of them to swap. I didn’t know what he ment I just wanted to fuck so I smiled and kissed him. He took of my clothes and his he sucked on my breast I moaned and he began to fuck me nice and slow took his time I was moaning so loud. It didn’t last long but it was enough for me 15 min I came 6 times I needed it.

As time got close we straighten our selves out on some music and waited for Dre. When Dre. Came Brandon went outside and me and Dre fucked again not good last 5 min I came once it’s just he takes a long time to get hard.

It was perfect we did this every Friday and eventually some how on Thursday when we were at Beth house the boys asked us about switch partners but we still go with who ever we go with. Beth agreed but she didn’t care she had a girlfriend at her aunt house nice girl pretty. This went on for 3 weeks.

On a the 4th week a Saturday I wanted more so i headed to Brandon house like 10ish I rember it being in an early side because i was trying to catch him before he goes to Dre house. I knocked on the door and Brandon father opened and I said hi is Brandon here his dad smirked and said right this way he is in the back room.

I didn’t know what scared me was it how dark he was or the bald head or how big he was. My mom was PR and my real dad was black but light skin like my daddy who I missed. He was darker he just looked scary. He told me all the way in the back he’s playing the game keep walking through the door.

When I got pass the door and opened it it was just a bed dresser tv no light but the sun. Only thing I know I turned around because Brandon wasn’t there I felt a big smack across my face I fell toward the floor but I grabbed on to the bed. He grabbed me by my hair I was terrified through me on the bed closed the door. I felt light headed. I see as he pulled down his sweats a huge big cock not even erect not even hard just long and thick.

He then said yea you came here for me didn’t you you wanted me. He grabbed me by the throat I screamed No no and he said yes I like when they scream he tightened his grip on my neck and I decided to just lay there.

As he thrust his big cock into me I screamed I felt pain and then he started talking and said yea you wanted it huh bitch letting those boys fuck you I had to have a turn. As he continue to have on hand on my neck other on my ass he was fucking so hard I got turned on I don’t know what turned me on he was mean.

He was saying things like take it bitch yeah you like it huh scream for me. I was moaning and screaming scared but turned on. He fucked me for about an hour made me open my mouth and he spit in my mouth and called me a dirty bitch. When he got up he explodes his load all over my face I mean my eyes my nose mouth dripping like in the center down my face he through my ripped pantie at my face grabbed me by the hair pushed me out the room and said now get out bitch and if you tell anyone I would kill you and he smacked me then he said Brandon doesn’t come home only recently on Fridays when he’s fucking you and he closed the door.

There I am shirt stretched out panties ripped joggers stretched hair crazy semen on my face in the crappy ass living room. I through my panties in the garbage I weirdly licked the cum off my face I enjoy the taste. I washed the rest off in the sink filled with dishes. Put on my leggings and left.

Now here’s the crazy thing I went back the next day. Only thing I thought about was how he fucked me. I didn’t know what to say because he already told me Dre is never there. I went I knocked on the door he opened and looked surprised and smirked. I said hi is Brandon here? He looked confused open the door wide and hand motion to come inside.

Once he closed the door grabbed me by the back of my hair full grip and said bitch are you crazy or you did want me from the beginning. I looked at him and he said speak bitch! I said I don’t know. He let go my hair and said take your ass to the bedroom and get undress. I walked into the bedroom I got naked and sat on the bed he came in naked stroking his cock he walked towards me grabbed my hair and said open that pretty mouth of yours.

I looked up at him I was nervous and scared but I opened my mouth and the he began to brutally fuck my throat and he said over and over open up breathe take it bitch slob in it spit on it he slapped me in the face with it and when he did that something turned on in me that I fully took his cock in my mouth shoving it deep down my throat with a lot of spit and I started using my hands.

He moaned fuck that’s how you do it he pushed me hard to lay down I moved to the top of the bed put my head on the pillow he got on top of me but just stared and smirked and I’m laying there and he’s staring. He said you want me? I nodded my head yes. He said I can’t hear you! I said yes I..I want you. He looked at me grabbed my breast hard and I moaned instantly even though that was the only part of his body that touch me but I could feel his cock.

He then said how old are you I really don’t care but I want to know because you seem really young? I said (my age) he looked so surprised and he said wow my last bitch was 17 I’m really fucking around now he laughed. He then said you want me to? I said yes I do. He grabbed me by the throat and began to fuck me and moan and say fuck your my bitch now you hear me mine whose bitch you are? I didn’t even know his name so I said yours!

I’m daddy for now on he screamed I’m your daddy. I came soon as. He said that. We fucked that whole day. He is violent I knew that he smacked me called me names but it turned me on. I started coming to him every day I couldn’t stay away and I knew I had to. A month I started to hide bruises he would make me clean and cook.

Not going to lie I was proud how the house was looking. On a Friday when I was fucking the boys because that continued I fuck the boys Thursday and Fridays and Saturday-Wednesday with my big beautiful man. Even Brandon said I think my dad has anothe girlfriend in my moms house even though she calls but doesn’t come around but Brandon’s dad( my man) work at the strip club she works sometimes.

I was cooking one day and my man comes behind me I was only wearing his t shirt he doesn’t allow me to wear nothing but a tshirt. And he starts playing with my pussy and he said you such a good girl would you do anything for me? I turned to him and even though it was never said I said yes I do anything for you I love you. He looked at me smirked pop me up on the counter I grabbed his bald head he gave me a nice smack on the face while he put his cock inside me turning me on.

As he began fucking me he said I fucking love you to bitch and I came instantly. As he continue fucking me he said he wants me to stay the night he has a friend coming over and wants me to let him fuck me. It reminded me of my daddy and my cousin so I agreed and told him anything for him.

As you can obviously guess the man was paying my man to fuck me and I did enjoy it I believed maybe I like only older men. As I let 6 different older men fuck me once a week my man would not be happy like how my daddy was happy. He grew more aggressive and even make me wear collars when I’m with the older men with his name on it. I love him I do and he has help me and my grandma dream come true.

This year I’m finally graduating and I will be a licensed nurse. He paid for school well I paid for school from fucking older men. I have met a man my age sweet kind in my nursing program so kind we flirt and I think that’s good for me? I’m obsessed with my man and older men and I know my man is aggressive but I loved it! What should I do ?