21 and still a virgin

This is less of a story and more like a confession and question

Like the title says, I'm 21, male, average build, live in Belgium, and I'm still a fucking virgin. Not ashamed, but fucking frustrated. It's getting worse. My body feels like it's constantly buzzing with this need I can't shut off. Seriously, it's like a low-grade headache that never goes away. You ever get that? Just this... background static of wanting something you can't have. It's distracting as hell.

For context, I'm introverted. Small talk feels so awkward for some reason. The few I do genuinely click with are either not interested or gay. Fantastic luck, right?

My biggest problem, if I'm being honest, is probably this stubborn, maybe stupid, idea of waiting for something that feels worthy. I want a connection, not just a transaction. But Jesus, it's hard to hold onto that when you're surrounded by what feels like an endless parade of sluts. Everyone's just swapping partners like trading cards. My friends and I go to parties sometimes, I've been approached ones or twice, not to toot my own horn but I'm not a bad looking guy, but just the idea of hooking up to never see that person again... feels wrong to me.

So I'm left standing like an idiot. Is it really that much of an ask? To just… meet her? A girl who doesn't see her body as just a pleasure tool. Someone who actually wants to listen to me and weird ass interests, someone I can just fuck like there is no tomorrow and wake up in each others embrace. I know how it sounds. Like some rom-com crap. But it's not about grand gestures. It's about the simple stuff. Someone who laughs at my stupid jokes instead of pretending to. Someone who doesn't freak out if I want to see them again on a Tuesday.

so I'm left with the question: do I just wait and hope for the best? is it me that is the problem, do I exude an aura that just pushes everyone away? Or do give in and find the first willing and drag her to bed.

I'm throwing this into the void (yes, there are other places for this but here I'm truly anonymous). what's the move? Do I keep my hands clean and my bed empty, clinging to some idea that might not exist? Find a way to open my eyes and find out if there is something with me? Or do I just say "screw it," find the first warm body, and violate someone?