crossdressing in public and I paid for it

I live alone in New York. I am single, up till that time was straight. I am thin, small body type, even have a smaller waist than hips. I have long, natural blonde hair. I hadn't been laid in a while, was horny and for some reason went to a store with a self-checkout in the suburbs and bought a few matching panties and bra sets (some really sexy, some everyday) stockings, garters, and some lingerie to sleep in. I used them to jack off in, couldn't help the satin feel and chiffon feel of the lingerie If I jacked during the day at night I had to again. I got braver and would keep the girly undies on under my male clothes and would go out in public during the day. First a night I would put my falsies in the bra and go out. They are silicone type and would jiggle if I moved right. Then I added makeup and got stares, just what I wanted.

I bought some womens outer clothes and at night would start to go out fully dressed. Men would buy me drinks, and I'd find an excuse to leave before things go too out of hand. I didn't realize and one man followed me. He got into my apartment building, and came up behind me as I opened my door. I was pretty drunk I admit, I really wasn't paying attention. He pushed me in, grabbed my mouth with his hand and told me to shut the fuck up. I asked what he wanted, trying to put on my femme voice. "cut the shit, I know what you are" he grunted. i asked what he wanted and he told me. "you dress like a slut, you act like a bar whore, and you wonder what I want? I want your ass, I'm going to fuck you". I begged him not to, that I had never done that before never had sex of anykind with a guy. "You won't say that tomorrow" he told me. He had a small gun that looked huge. He told me to keep my mouth shut, not scream or say anything to anyone.

He made me put on some music and dance around for him. Then he told me piece by piece what clothing to take off. I was down to my bra,panties,garter,stockings and heels. He took me roughly to the bathroom and found some vaseline. "this will do" he said as he jerked me by the hand into the bedroom. He picked me up in his arms, and kissed me. Throwing me on the bed he rolled me over. I started crying, I didn't know what else to do, I knew I couldn't over power him. By now his clothes off, he was applying the vaseline to his cock. It wasn't that long, about 6 inches but it was damn thick. I was begging him to just let me suck him, I offered to lick his asshole, do whatever he wanted. "What I'm going to do is fuck you, and turn you into a total sissy slut". He pulled my panties down in back just far enough to experience my ass. With that he was on top of me, he told me to spread out. I reached back and spread my ass open for his intrusion. He pushed it all in at once smooth stroke I was crying louder this time. He started pumping me and held his hand at my mouth to quiet me. It didn't take him long, he wasn't in it for love, he wanted to fuck me, to make me a sissy, to turn my ass into a pussy. He grunted, pushed in harder and deeper and I felt the hot liquid shooting into me. He laid there a bit, I could feel his thick cock softening. It fell out and I farted out some of his cum.

He got dressed and told me if I said anything to anyone or called the police he'd kill me. I was still crying as he left, I heard the door close and just laid there, face down, my ass just fucked by a man who forced me, his sperm inside me some leaking out. I just laid there and cried. I got up to go to the toilet and empty out. I took a shower and my ass felt like it was packed way up inside me. I put on my boy clothes and went to the store. I bought some enemas and went back to my shower and toilet. I used 4 of them to empty myself of his sperm.

I didn't sleep that night, I just laid there thinking how my actions got me into this mess. The next day I got rid of all my girl clothes but I kept the panties I was wearing when he forced himself into me. I don't know why.