In Need Of Understanding And Support
Wife Marcy shares with us her experience of being raped
I am in need of some understanding and support. The past 6 months have been very challenging for my husband and me. We have been married 2 years. We met during freshman year in high school and dated exclusively in high school and throughout college. We got engaged when we graduated college and were married a year later.
Six months ago I was assaulted by a man in my home while my husband was at work. It still seems unreal to me that I am a “sexual assault survivor,” but I am. The assault was really scary, painful, and humiliating for me. I can’t say enough good things about the people who came together to help and support me after my assault – the police, nurses, doctors, counselors, and my husband.
I feel like I was not only assaulted physically, but also emotionally and mentally. My body was hurt and so was my marriage. My husband has been wonderful but I know he is struggling to come to grips with what happened to me. He was the first person I called after my attacker left and he rushed home to take me to the hospital. He stood by and held my hand during the exams I had at the hospital and while I gave a statement to the police.
I was so in shock by what had happened to me, just trying to survive from moment to moment during my exams and interviews, that I wasn’t aware of how the entire process affected my poor husband. Looking back months later, I can see how “graphic” those first few hours after the attack must have been for my husband. Nurses were in and out swabbing me everywhere, taking samples. I have a clear memory of the nurse taking the sexual assault kit politely asking me where she should swab for semen samples and me answering “Everywhere.” She gently asked me to be more specific and I replied, “My mouth, my vagina, and my bottom.” It was at this moment my husband was introduced to exactly what happened to me. The nurse was going through a long list of what I guess are standard questions: “How many men were you attacked by?” “One.” “Did he penetrate you sexually?” “Yes.” “Where did he penetrate you sexually?” “He forced me to perform oral sex on him. He forced me to have intercourse. Then he made me have anal sex.” “Did your attacker wear a condom during any or all of the sex acts he performed on you?” “No, none of them.” “Do you know if your attacker ejaculated during the assault?” “Yes, he did.” “Can you tell me where he ejaculated?” “He ejaculated each time he attacked me, in each place I mean.” “Are you saying he ejaculated in your mouth, vagina, and rectum?” “Yes, he did.” The questions went on and on. At one point I remember one nurse talking to another saying something like “I think I see quite a bit of semen in her panties. Let’s bag those for evidence.” The sheets on our bed, where I was raped, were a real mess afterwards and the police took them for evidence.
My poor husband was standing there, trying to comfort and support me, listening to all of this!
I wasn’t physically or emotionally prepared to resume intimacy with my husband for weeks. I was sore for quite a while as I healed from bruising and tearing in my vagina and rectum. The first time my husband and I tried being intimate a couple months ago, it was awkward at best. I know he likes when I perform oral sex on him and I like to do that for him. But, since my attack he hasn’t asked me for that. I think he’s afraid to. When we have intercourse he’s very, very gentle with me. He is able to ejaculate, but I have not experienced an orgasm with him since the attack. Also, I saw a couple websites on his computer about how to make anal sex pleasurable for your partner. Prior to my assault, I had never experienced anal sex. My husband and I had talked about it, but had never tried it. I am open to trying it with my husband. But, like oral sex, I think he’s afraid to bring it up.
Thank You to all that have read what I’ve written. I truly appreciate your understanding and support!
--- Marcy
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Comments (8)
🤬 Hank: From the looks of those pictures you wanting someone to use you like a cheap whore I would make you cum bucket loads of of if you need some good hard cock I can make it happen
Reply↴ • uid:1cuiqjbeoq2xTjalve: There are a lot of things to unpack here. But I'll go for the easiest at first. It is obvious that your husband doesn't want to overstep, in case that causes additional trauma for you. So he's being gentle, and probably a bit passive, in order to move at a pace that is comfortable for you. At the same time, it seems like you're not willing to take the initiative. I'm guessing that it used to be him who took the initiative, and so that's what you're most comfortable with. This causes both of you to be somewhat passive. And given that it's now 6 months since your rape, I think it's time to step up a bit. It seems to me that you're not as traumatized as your husband thinks you are. Of course this may just be an impression I have, because you are describing the problems, rather than describing emotions. It is also possible that your husband is the one that is the most traumatized. You haven't said anything about how you and your husband has communicated about this. So I'm getting the feeling that the subject has been supressed, and that communication has been at a minimum. This is a very bad thing. I find it interesting that you were an anal virgin before your rape, and that you are now willing to have anal sex with your husband. This tells me one of two things. Either you are not willing to let your only anal sex have been that rape, and that you want to have anal sex with your husband, so that your memories of anal sex overwhelmingly becomes memories of your husband. Or you are secretly turned on by anal sex after the rape, and want to have more of it.
Reply↴ • uid:1cxhuvor5ko5Tjalve: Either way, the only constructive way forward, is for you to communicate with your husband. Sit down and have a proper chat with him. Tell him that physically you are over the rape, and that you want to return to normalcy. And tell him that normalcy means having sex the way you used to, before the rape. And that means him taking more initiative, and being more forceful than he has been recently. Also tell him that you've decided that you won't let the ONLY anal sex you have had, be the rape. So you want to have anal sex with him, in order to have pleasurable memories of it, and not just remembering the rape. But most of all, tell him to behave as normal. There is also another aspect here. Which may or may not be a good idea. I don't know how you have felt about roleplaying, and play rapes, before this rape. But if that's something you and your husband might be into, then it could be a good idea. After all, a real rape IS a traumatic experience. And it may leave feelings and reactions that can show up some random time later. But if you and your husband has play rapes, then that may help you to cope with your rape, because the memories of the play rapes can supress, supplant and dilute the memories of the real rape. On the other hand, play rapes may also strengthen the memories of the real rape, and may make you conflate your husband with the real rape. So it may also be a bad idea. I guess no one but you can say how you are most likely to respond to it. And also, if your husband seems to be turned on TOO MUCH by the play rape, that might also make you feel bad. So I don't know if this is a good idea.
• uid:1cxhuvor5ko5B.R.I.T.N.E.Y.: OMG !!! You poor thing Marcy !! I was raped just like you except I was raped by my priest in my high schools library on a Friday afternoon at the end of the school day !! I was alone in the library getting some books for a book report and I didn't hear or see him come up behind me and he covered my mouth and forced me over the desk and lifted up my uniform dress and yanked my panties and tights down and fucked my pussy which resulted in popping my cherry and when he was done doing that he raped my ass !! To make a long story short !! When I got home I was so distant that I went into the shower without taking my uniform off and turned on the hot water and curled up in the fetal position and stayed like that until all the hot water was used up !! And I couldn't even tell my parents that our priest raped me !!! They will never believe me so I suffered in silence until I found this site that has helped me write stories about rape !! Again I'm so sorry what happened to you !!! Britney
Reply↴ • uid:1cr5cbcb27n4Raping Trucker: Poor little girl. When you were raped. Did you cum? Did you cum.from taking his cock in your ass? I vet your rub your cunt thinking of it. Maybe even use a cross now to fuck yourself with
• uid:y14l0qxddfxTjalve: There are a lot of things to unpack here. But I'll go for the easiest at first. It is obvious that your husband doesn't want to overstep, in case that causes additional trauma for you. So he's being gentle, and probably a bit passive, in order to move at a pace that is comfortable for you. At the same time, it seems like you're not willing to take the initiative. I'm guessing that it used to be him who took the initiative, and so that's what you're most comfortable with. This causes both of you to be somewhat passive. And given that it's now 6 months since your rape, I think it's time to step up a bit. It seems to me that you're not as traumatized as your husband thinks you are. Of course this may just be an impression I have, because you are describing the problems, rather than describing emotions. It is also possible that your husband is the one that is the most traumatized. You haven't said anything about how you and your husband has communicated about this. So I'm getting the feeling that the subject has been supressed, and that communication has been at a minimum. This is a very bad thing. I find it interesting that you were an anal virgin before your rape, and that you are now willing to have anal sex with your husband. This tells me one of two things. Either you are not willing to let your only anal sex have been that rape, and that you want to have anal sex with your husband, so that your memories of anal sex overwhelmingly becomes memories of your husband. Or you are secretly turned on by anal sex after the rape, and want to have more of it. Either way, the only constructive way forward, is for you to communicate with your husband. Sit down and have a proper chat with him. Tell him that physically you are over the rape, and that you want to return to normalcy. And tell him that normalcy means having sex the way you used to, before the rape. And that means him taking more initiative, and being more forceful than he has been recently.
Reply↴ • uid:1cxhuvor5ko5Tjalve: I tried to comment, but no comment showed up. Maybe it just takes time, or maybe the site censored it.
Reply↴ • uid:1cxhuvor5ko5Tjalve: There are a lot of things to unpack here. But I'll go for the easiest at first. It is obvious that your husband doesn't want to overstep, in case that causes additional trauma for you. So he's being gentle, and probably a bit passive, in order to move at a pace that is comfortable for you. At the same time, it seems like you're not willing to take the initiative. I'm guessing that it used to be him who took the initiative, and so that's what you're most comfortable with. This causes both of you to be somewhat passive. And given that it's now 6 months since your rape, I think it's time to step up a bit. It seems to me that you're not as traumatized as your husband thinks you are. Of course this may just be an impression I have, because you are describing the problems, rather than describing emotions. It is also possible that your husband is the one that is the most traumatized. You haven't said anything about how you and your husband has communicated about this. So I'm getting the feeling that the subject has been supressed, and that communication has been at a minimum. This is a very bad thing. I find it interesting that you were an anal virgin before your rape, and that you are now willing to have anal sex with your husband. This tells me one of two things. Either you are not willing to let your only anal sex have been that rape, and that you want to have anal sex with your husband, so that your memories of anal sex overwhelmingly becomes memories of your husband. Or you are secretly turned on by anal sex after the rape, and want to have more of it. Either way, the only constructive way forward, is for you to communicate with your husband. Sit down and have a proper chat with him. Tell him that physically you are over the rape, and that you want to return to normalcy. And tell him that normalcy means having sex the way you used to, before the rape. And that means him taking more initiative, and being more forceful than he has been recently.
Reply↴ • uid:1cxhuvor5ko5