Harriet Peniston 8 - The Witness Program - Consequences

Harriet's world collapses and she is left with an impossible choice.

Her tracking app on her mobile phone said her period was due on Friday. It didn’t arrive. Harriet was not overly concerned, it had been late before, and the app was only a guide, but a small worry seeded itself in her head and began to grow.

It didn’t arrive on Saturday either. The day went by with her in another world, sat staring at her phone but not actually looking. The children never got their promised treat, “Next week”, said Harriet. It was an eternity away.

Sunday saw Harriet retreating completely into herself. She downloaded a favourite childhood book to her Kindle. Sleepovers by Jacqueline Wilson and curled up with it on the sofa. She hoped that it would distract by taking her back to less complicated times, but she kept having to read the same pages over and over again as her head was elsewhere. Her childhood friends did not come alive in it’s pages. She wanted to be alone. Andrew left her to it, giving the kids knowing looks, telling them to let her have her space. All would be well soon he hoped.

Once Monday morning came and she was alone, she ventured out to a chemist where nobody knew her and bought an early pregnancy test. It was positive. She knew it anyway.

Harriet made her way over to Anne’s, showing her the test wrapped in a transparent food bag. “Will you dispose of this for me?”, she asked,

“Of course”, said Anne, looking at the two blue lines clearly visible, before dropping it into her kitchen bin and settling her down on a chair. Harriet started to cry. Anne poured her a whiskey.

“You silly girl”, she eventually said sadly, shaking her head. “These things can be wrong, you know. Weren’t you on any contraception?”

Harriet looked at her. “I didn’t think. I didn’t plan any of this. Andrew always used a condom. I’ve never been on the pill. I always thought it was better to be natural”.

“Could it be Andrew’s?”, asked Anne.

Harriet thought about the unprotected sex they had had the previous week, then all of the sex she had been having with Witness, “I don’t think so”, she said. She looked at Anne through tearful eyes.

“Well you can’t keep it”, Anne told her brusquely. “Even if you persuaded Andrew it was his, it will be obvious when it’s born”

Harriet listened, agreeing. She didn’t like that Anne kept using the word “it”.

“And you can’t tell him, of course. You can’t tell Witness”, Anne was being forceful.

“Why?”, asked Harriet.

“You know what he’s like. You mean nothing to him”

Harriet thought about their last sex in the shower. It had felt different, close, special, but at the same time she knew deep down that Anne was probably right.

“How long has it been?”, asked Anne.

“Just two weeks”, Harriet thought about how quickly her life had unravelled.

“Oh, that’s easy. You can get rid of it with pills. I’ll look up some options and let you know. No one will have to know”, Anne held Harriet’s hand reassuringly, but Harriet was horrified at how matter-of-fact she was being. She just nodded along.

Harriet didn’t like the whiskey, but she drank it anyway. It left a bitter taste in her mouth that made her feel sick. “Anyway I have to go”, she told Anne. “Thank you for the help”.

“Anytime”, said Anne. “I’m here for you, anytime”. She smiled at Harriet and watched sadly as she crossed the road back to her house. “Silly girl”, she said and closed the door.

Harriet had never approved of abortion. She looked down on those who opted for them out of choice rather than medical necessity. “Sluts”, she thought, and then remembered how she herself had accepted that name.

Once home, Harriet got a bottle of Bombay Sapphire and a bottle of tonic. She took a glass and sat at the table. She usually drank premixed Gin and Tonic from a can, but she wanted to get rid of the whiskey taste and she could mix her own stronger. She poured her drink and took a big gulp, trying to rid herself of the bitter taste in her mouth. It would need to be a big drink to rid herself totally of her bitter troubles.

Mother’s Ruin. She thought. That’s what they used to call gin. She was ruined anyway and took another drink. She moved into the lounge and turned on the TV. She found the video on her phone and cast it. She sat there drinking and watching.

On the screen she saw her pussy lips parted and quivering. Her vagina convulsing as Witness’s cum dripped from it. Was that what conception looked like? She was so sure it was that moment. She had returned to it time and time again.

It still felt so powerful and raw. Just seeing it again was emotional. If a child had been conceived in that moment, such a powerful, intense moment, then it must be special, yes? She thought about how Witness was a doctor. Educated. His genes must be very good. She thought about the word Penis on her driving licence. Was it a sign? Was this a path she was meant to follow? Was this the drink thinking for her? Nothing made any sense. She felt totally lost and stupid, crazy, intrusive thoughts kept her unbalanced.

It would of course destroy Hannah and Daniel, she did have a duty to them, her children, she thought. But then she had got them through to an age where they could survive. This new child was helpless and surely deserving of it’s own chance. It was a hard equation to balance. Their future against her stupidity and selfishness. Could she really lose all she had worked for over such a brief moment.

Sat in her home, looking at the screen, a drink in front of her, Harriet was motionless. Frozen in the fear of the unknown. She had a big decision to make, and she was on her own.